It was early morning, the air was full of fog, and I was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. I stood on the porch of the a cabin by the lake, the screen door partially open. There, at the base of the stairs, stood a burro. I could almost feel the Holy Spirit smirking inside my head--and I had the distinct feeling that God was calling me a jackass.
I believe that God communicates with each of us differently, taking into account our personalities. Sometimes he is gentle and subtle with me, other times he is pretty obvious and not adverse to using sarcasm. In that moment, I felt God saying to me: You know, you're kind of a jackass.
We were both in places we didn't belong. We had wandered away from perfectly good homes in order to follow our own desires. Both of us would have people looking for us soon. And neither of us would fare very well left on our own.
I pondered all of this as I headed back to my room, bracing myself for the raised eyebrows and the knowing glances of my roommates. I'd love to say that this was a turning point for me, that this moment of epiphany changed my ways, but it took a while for me (and I'm sure the donkey too) to stop wandering away.
That donkey and I were in places we didn't belong. The fact was we both had nice places to stay where our needs were met, but the lure of the unknown proved to be too strong. We had lost our way following our own desires, and had made ourselves vulnerable to all kinds of danger. What had led us away from our homes? It was the thought that maybe there was something better, more interesting, just beyond the boundaries of what we knew. We were safe and protected in our places, but we wanted to know if we were being denied something. Like Eve in the garden, there was temptation in the unknown. The lure of knowing more proved to be too strong.
Eve gave in to her temptation. I merely danced on the fringes and then made my way back home. That donkey and I doing our walk of shame. I hadn't done enough to be truly shamed, but there was enough ambiguity in the minds of others that I felt like a jackass all the same. What I love most, is that God calls it as he sees it--and he's not afraid to say it. Like Balaam and his donkey (see Numbers 22 for another jackass moment), sometimes we need to be reminded that we're all just jackasses in need of a savior.
..."just beyond the boundaries of what we knew." It often seems my perceived right / duty to know more than what was provided at the time has been futile, if not harmful. Maybe my longing to know more (and be known more) needs to stay invested in and humbled by the great unknown.
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